What a wild week!! A quick recap involves what feels like panic attacks, 3 massive nose bleeds and a bad back.  Yes.  It was good times here at my house. 

The back ache was quickly resolved after some chiropractic care.  If any of you are on the fence about whether or not seeing a chiropractor during pregnancy is a good idea, mark me down for a big fat YES!!  I went from having incredibly painful back spasms to being able to sit and stand without first mapping out my plan of attack.  I feel sooo much better!!

I had an OB appointment today and mentioned my crazy panicky issues and gushing nose bleeds.  Turns out, our good pal progesterone is responsible for both and that he isn't concerned about either issue.  Since he isn't worried, neither am I.  Fair warning though, if you live locally and see me with 8 pounds of tissues crammed in my nose with an ice pack and trying to catch my breath while monitoring my pulse, don't worry.  I am just pregnant. 

The very best part of today was that I got to take a tour of the birth center at the hospital.  It was a quick tour as there wasn't much to see but I think I am in love.  The rooms (labor, delivery, postpartum, and rooming in with baby) are large and spacious.  Floors are shiny hardwood and really looks homey compared to the "regular" hospital I am familiar with.  The bathroom is also nice and big and has nice big showers with a real shower curtain and shower stall!  I know this probably isn't big news to most of you but based on my prior experience, the showers were in the bathroom with no real separation between the toilet and the shower.  There was a curtain so that the whole room didn't get wet but the floor was all just sloped toward the drain.  But wait!!!  Aside from the TV/s equipt with DVD players, each room has a mini fridge!  I know I mentioned this before but after I deliver the baby, they remove the delivery bed from the room and a queen sized Murphy bed pulls down from the wall et viola!  Comfort!

The best part is the birth tubs!  I envisioned an inflatable tub that resembled an inner tube crossed with a black trash bag.  These tubs that I saw were REAL bath tubs!  Big!  Deep!  They looked so comfy!  I originally thought that maybe I would labor in the tub, but after seeing those bad boys, I might be willing to deliver in it too!  The tubs has lights for crying out loud!  Lights! 

Then as we returned to the hallway I noticed that the halls were carpeted and far from looking hospital-ish.  They don't have a nursery but she said that if I want to sleep, they will take the baby for a while and bring the baby to me for feeding.  As I realized how quiet everything was, I had to ask her how many babies they deliver in a month.  Her answer was, "About 30." One baby a day on average.  I think that is just amazing!  Talk about getting all the attention I could possibly need!  This place just might be heaven for delivering babies. 

I can't tell you how excited I am about delivering at this place.  Four more months.  That is it! 

Officially on the downside of the hill of pregnancy and holding on tight.  I am able to feel him move pretty regularly now and it is reassuring except for when it isn't.  His kicks and jabs ore just subtle enough that unless I am sitting or laying down with the intention of paying attention to him, I don't notice.  Then, I find myself at dinner time thinking, "Uh oh.  I don't think I have felt him move today.  Or did I?  I think I did.  No.  Wait.  That was yesterday.  Or this morning?  Let me just grab the doppler to double check on him."  In fact, I did this exact thing before I started writing this post.  I honestly don't know what I would do without that little machine. 

I am going to talk about a day that is celebrated in every family except for when it isn't.  Mother's Day is this Sunday, May 12th.  It is easy to think that this is a day for all of the mothers of the world to get homemade greeting cards and breakfast in bed.  Maybe a day "off" from cooking.  Maybe even some flowers and 15 minutes of alone time in the bathroom to poop in peace.  While this is pretty common stuff, there are other women out there who dread this day. 

There are women who long to snuggle a baby of their own, to get a slobbery kiss from a kid with daddy's smile, to kiss a boo-boo with a magic healing kiss that haven't yet realized this dream. Mother's Day holds a very different meaning for these women.  Also, what about the mothers who carried babies in their wombs but find themselves with wounded hearts due to loss? 

It is easy to focus all of our attention on the "Moms" of the world this Sunday, but I ask all of you to acknowledge the women who find themselves hurting.  I won't claim to know the right words to say to them or the best thing to do for them, but I do know that they will appreciate the effort.  

This weekend, I'll be thinking of all of the women who have traveled the road of infertility or loss. 

So far we have been very blessed with healthy kids for the last 5 years.  We get our sniffles here and there but very few actual illnesses.  Then... illness struck.  Only Gavin, thankfully!  (Knocking vigorously on wood!)  Gavin has been sick starting on Friday and today is Wednesday.  Not all days have been bad days, but we haven't been able to do much outside of the house.

I have this issue with cabin fever.  We live rurally and without getting into a vehicle and driving a mile or so, there might not be any sign of other humans existing.  To make life a little bit more stir crazy, Doug is out of town for work which means that my conversations for the last 48 hours have included:

"Joey, do not sit on your brother!  He is not a horse!!"
"Okay, Mom." 

"Gavin, you and your brother will not both fit into a diaper box!"
"Yes we will."
"Okay.  Good luck with that."

If there is still a such thing as Calgon, I insist that it take me away! 

I decided that since it is raining and ugly out and I have a kid that will have diarrhea at any given moment with no warning, that it would be a good craft day.  I got out a science kit to grow a crystal tree but the packet of crystal water stuff had gotten opened somehow and there was already crystals growing where they shouldn't have been. 

Craft idea number two was to make some sort of balloon filled with corn starch as a "stress ball" or tactile toy.  Well... yeah.  While entertaining to Gavin, this project created a smoke machine that essentially destroyed my already messy kitchen.  I tried this concept again with a different funnel and it worked a little better.  This time, I managed to get corn starch into the balloon but only enough to really look more like a visual aid of a scrotum. 

So I decided that I was done with the messy stuff and that it was time to simply use up some left over helium from Gavin's birthday and that would keep the kids entertained for a while.  I figured there was enough for 3, maybe 4 balloons.  I stopped after filling 9 helium balloons.  It kind of looks like a circus blew up in here, but the kids are having so much fun. 

Until then, I decided that it was time to share my very first belly pic.   

19 weeks

Yep.  I skipped 18 weeks.  I blew right past it.  It was a really busy week or so for us but busy in a very good way. 

I met my new OB and I am pretty sure that I made an excellent move.  He seems like just the doctor to be supportive of my birth choices!

I had already scheduled appointment with a genetic counselor this week so despite my lack of concern with genetic issues, I went anyway.  I haven't yet seen the bill for this but I bet I am going to end up paying a lot of money for what really turned out to be some girl chat (fun girl chat) about funny things kids say, awkward situations that happen as a result of those funny things, and how our kids are our favorite people.  She basically told me in less than 30 words that my risk was really low and the only reason I was there was because I am AMA.   Advanced Maternal Age for those of you spring chickens.  I have heard those 3 letters at least a dozen times in the last few months.  I have decided that regardless of their label of AMA I have decided that I am going to begin wearing a red cape with the letters OBA.  Old But Awesome!

The fun part of that appointment was that we got a nice long look at our little guy.  Things are looking really good!  The doctor (not my OB, but the MFM doc at the hospital that reviews the ultrasounds) wants me to come back again in 4 weeks so he can double check his heart.  He wasn't concerned but just wanted one more peek before he gave his official stamp of approval. 

So today officially makes me 19 weeks pregnant.  Kind of hard to believe, really. 



See you next week!

Now that the first trimester funk has finally eased up, I am trying to make up for everything I didn't do for the last 4 months.  That means laundry, dishes, bathing my children ... Okay.  I still did that, but it was only when I had too and no sooner.  So, overall I am feeling great which freaks me out routinely.  I felt some movement a couple of weeks ago but maybe baby shifted because I don't feel him very often.  If I didn't have a doppler, I would be a basket case. 

One of the things on my list of things I had to do was break up with my OB.  I decided that even if she somehow transformed into someone who urged moms to try an intervention free birth (ain't gonna happen), there was an even bigger reason.  If any of you have stayed overnight in a hospital before, you know how annoying it is to sleep in a hospital bed.  What is even more awful is sleeping on the hospital beds that are found in the maternity ward that are nothing more than a convertible metal frame with a glorified prison mattress set upon it.  It is evil.  My doula shared that there was another hospital nearby that not only had birth tubs available, they had QUEEN sized beds with... wait for it... wait for it... memory foam mattresses for postpartum!!!    Just when I thought it couldn't get any better, she told me that they are very natural birth friendly.  Having this place as an option made the break up so easy. 

I called the new doc, set up an appointment, and called to cancel my appointment with the old one.  I simply told the receptionist about the memory foam mattresses and she understood.  It was over.  Granted my decision to leave her wasn't just the beds, of course, but when there is a dumper and a dumpee, rarely does the dumper really mean it when they say, "It's not you, it's me."  It was totally her. 

I am excited about this new adventure!  I guess I can take the chain mail out of my amazon cart. 

At Easter dinner when conversation had gotten quiet I asked Gavin, "Can you tell everyone where we went yesterday?"

"We went to the hospital!"

"And what did we do at the hospital?" I quickly added.

"We checked on the baby and... It's a BOY!!" he announced! 

On the way home from the hospital I asked Gavin if he would have been more excited to have a sister.  He told me that he was just excited that we were going to have a baby.  "No matter what we get." 

While there is a small part of me that wonders what it is like to have pink frills and little girl drama, I know that God is giving us the perfect little person for our family.  How can I be disappointed about that? 

I am actually almost 16 weeks but I just haven't felt much like posting.  I have been struggling with the fact that not everyone I wish was pregnant is.  One thing that might be even harder for me this week has been that not every woman who gets pregnant gets to stay that way. 

A dear woman that I have never ever met became pregnant about a week after I did.  When I read the words that at a routine appointment she learned that her baby passed away at almost 13 weeks, I crumbled.  To say that I am heartbroken for her is an understatement.  I actually just teared up writing that.  I am just beside myself with hurt.  It just isn't fair. 

What makes it even worse is that I know that I will be her reminder.  It is hard to put into words how this is such an awful place to be.  I am happy that my pregnancy is looking healthy, but I am just crushed that I am that girl that she will likely see as the reminder of where she should be.  I just really wish I could do something... There just is nothing to do to take away her pain.  It just plain sucks.






My next post will likely have a gender reveal so stay tuned...